ON DRUNKEN SAILORS
Has anyone out there ever actually been around real, live drunken sailors? I ask, because there's a meme going around now that Sen. John McCain shouldn't have insulted drunken sailors by suggesting that the Bush administration is spending money in a fashion reminiscent of inebriated seamen, because at least such men (and women, one supposes) are actually spending their own money. The Bush administration's free-spending ways tap into your funds, my funds, everyone's funds, and comparing them to drunken sailors does a disservice to drunken sailors, or so says the meme.
Maybe we need some sort of national service program, or some way to get more people who opine for a living or on blogs in contact with actual sailors. Because no one who has been around real drunken sailors would say that at least drunken sailors just spend their own money. Nothing could be further from the truth.
A few years ago, I was in the US Air Force but out to sea with the USS Blue Ridge. She's a fine ship, a floating command center complete with a mini-NORAD type room from which to conduct theatre-level combined operations. Blue Ridge is the flagship of the Seventh Fleet, so much a showplace that the sailors who call her home joke that her designation, LCC-19, doesn't refer to her landing, command and control capabilities, but to the fact that officers always say to the crew "Let's continue cleaning, 19 hours a day." It's not all that witty, but you get the point.
I accompanied Blue Ridge to the Japanese port of Nagasaki on her first visit there, ever. The city that Truman nuked welcomed the high-level US Navy presence with mostly open arms--a regatta of fishing vessels, a small fleet of helicopters, and even a brass band greeted us as we pulled in. Yeah, there were a dozen or so protestors, enough for CNN to label a Million Man March or something, but nothing really unusual. Looking back, the protestors were probably North Korean dupes anyway.
After we pulled in, some sailors I'd been hanging out with for the three day cruise down invited me to roam the city with them. I took them up on it, having no idea what I was getting myself in for. I forgot about the whole drunken sailor thing, but the boys reminded me of it before long.
After walking around and around Nagasaki, night crept in and we set up camp in a sushi bar. That was my idea, thinking that Nagasaki's reputation for fresh sushi must be put to the test. While enjoying the fresh toro, the shrimp, the works, a TV behind the barkeep showed news video of our arrival. We reacted and the patrons started asking us if we were from the ship. We said we were, and rivers of sake began to flow our way. The patrons and owner were happy to have us there, happy to get to know us, and apparently happy to get us smashed.
I'm not the drinking type, so I never touched the tide of alcohol that washed over us. But I observed that the more sake my compatriots consumed, and it was top drawer hootch, the more money they spent. Soon they'd run out of their own, and were spending mine. Meanwhile, the patrons kept volunteering more Asahi biru, more sake, more of anything liquid the sailors wanted. One tipsy sailor started massively hitting on a female patron, to such an extent that she began to get nervous. I halted the proceedings with a word or two, which got shrugged off but did their job.
Yeah, I was being a bit of a killjoy, but I also probably stopped an international incident. During our stroll back to the ship, which included several detours and backtracks while my affected friends tried to pretend sobriety, we witnessed a sailor getting arrested for something, and another riding a bicycle down the middle of a major thoroughfare, against the traffic. He was lucky that there was little traffic at that hour, or he'd have been a casualty of the friendship port call.
The moral of the story, if there is one, is this: Drunken sailors do not limit themselves to spending their own money, contrary to the current meme bouncing around the 'sphere. They'll spend their cash until they run out, then they'll either reach for the plastic money in their wallets or for the green money in yours if you happen to be with them. They'll also happily indulge in anything that anyone wants to buy for them. I think the Nagasaki sushi bar's chief patron must have spent several hundred dollars soaking American sailors that night, and the other patrons chipped in healthy amounts too.
All of which does describe how the Bush administration has been throwing around money on non-defense spending. They have been spending like drunken sailors out on the town, or at least like the drunken sailors that I hung out with in Nagasaki.
The sushi was unbelievably good, btw, the type that just melts in your mouth.











